


Dont Run Rabbit

by neiljostenlovesexy



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, POV Andrew Minyard, POV Neil Josten, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Protective Andrew Minyard, Selective Muteness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:48:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27754882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neiljostenlovesexy/pseuds/neiljostenlovesexy
Summary: Neil is having nightmares which leads him to not being able to talk. He and Andrew navigate this complex situation.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 9
Kudos: 141





	1. I can't today.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first series I really wanna explore Neil going to therapy, dealing with his PTSD, and how it affects Andrew and him.

_ “Junior” Lola whispered with her lips close to his ear. Neil reached out trying to claw her away. The unknown darkness pulls him in more and more. “No!” He cried out as he felt hands crawling on his body., _

_ “You look just like your daddy Junior”. She laughed, running her hands down his sides. _

_ “NO!”. He screamed. _

“Neil!” A voice came through the darkness.

“ _ I can’t no, I need….Andrew” He claws out to the darkness. Begging for help. Begging to be saved, To something to ground himself. He spiraling. He’s falling.  _

“Abram”. A voice said. A hand gripping neck. He shudders leaning into the touch.

_ Hope. Safe. The voice said. Home.  _

His eyes fluttered open to the sight of Andrew, a fire in his eyes Neil only rarely sees.

“Breathe Abram Breathe”. He said, holding onto the shaking boy's neck.

A strangled sound coming out of his throat. 

“Yes or no” Neil choked out. Needing to hold Andrew. Needing to have something holding him here. 

“Yes Abram”. And that's all Neil needed to hear. He pushed his hands in Andrew’s blond hair. Making tight knots in Andrew’s hair. Holding on for dear life. 

“A-A-Andrew” He choked out trying to find the words. Trying to find his ground. 

“Shut-up”. He said with no heat behind. 

“I need.. I can’t”. He wasn’t back yet. He was still in her arms. He was still trapped in that trunk. In that house.In that world of the running of pain. He is still on that beach with the smell of burning flesh in the air. 

Another choking noise came out of his throat. His body launches up. Ready to run. Ready to escape. Ready to fight. 

“Abram,” Andrew said with more fury this time. “Rabbit it’s okay you can stop running.” 

A shuddered breath comes out. He feels his body giving out. Hands losing their grip and eyes getting heavy. The weight of his past physically weighed him down. The small bed is not enough for both of them. But they made it work. They were making it work. There were no them. 

“Abram, stop thinking”. Andrew said firmly. 

“Don’t...l-leave me” He said with a hoarse voice. Needing Andrew to know what was going on, What he needed. That he was the only thing keeping him from falling again. 

“I’m not the runner Neil”. As he runs his hands on Neil’s neck. 

Neil’s body sags against him, not being able to sit up, to move.

“Yes or No?”. He says while looking at Neil. The calm expression returning slowly. Slower than it usually does. 

“Yes, it's always yes with you,” Neil whispers.

Andrew brings him close. Holding him close to his chest. Letting Neil fall into him. This was new for them. In the last couple of months, they had started touching in this way. The holding, the feeling of being held. Always reminding him of his mother, now that memory filled with Andrew. surrounded by the smell of cigarettes and sweat and the faint smell of something sweet. He clung to that as if his life depended on it. Maybe it did. 

“It’s never, it's never that bad. My head, it's..” He trails off. The words being lost as he thinks of the nightmare. Of Lola and her voice.

“No,” Andrew said firmly. “ Don’t go back there”. He says placing his lips on Neil’s forehead. Grounding him. 

“Stay”. He said.

“I’m staying’. Neil says finally starting to relax. 

The panic going back down his throat. The nightmare momentarily receding. Andrew pulls him closer. Letting him know it was okay. That he was okay with this. That they would be okay. Neil finally let himself go and darkness taking him. Pulling him into a dreamless sleep. 

\----------------

Waking up was painful. His body was tense. He felt stiff and like he had forgotten how to move. 

Forgotten how to move his arms and legs. He opened his eyes. Struggling to come back to his own body. 

Andrew wasn’t next to him anymore. Probably went back to his own bed. He wanted to call out for the boy. His voice caught in his throat. The words stuck. He just lays and lays. Hoping the words would return to him. It didn’t. 

Eventually, he forced himself out of bed. His body groaning in response. He getting out of bed and making his way to the bathroom. Andrew was leaning on the counter sipping some coffee. Neil makes eye contact when he sees him but the words still don't come. Andrew raises his eyebrow but says nothing. Letting Neil go to the bathroom without questions.

Neil showers for too long. Hoping the water will wash away this lump in his throat. Pushing down his ability to speak. To use his voice. Nothing helps. He finds his skin raw and red. Finally forcing him to get out of the warm comforting shower. When he leaves the shower he spots Andrew sitting at the desk, book in hand with a bored expression 

“ I thought you drowned in there rabbit’. He said looking at Neil. 

Neil just shrugged and went to get changed. He puts on one of Andrew’s black hoodies and some gray sweatpants. The smell of Andrew was something he was craving. It made him feel steady. Made him feel real. Today was a Friday, there was no game today but there was a practice with the team later that day. The thought made his skin crawl. Not from the idea of exy. Just the idea of seeing his team.  _ Talking to his team _ . It just felt wrong today. It all felt wrong today. 

He trudged out of the room trying to push the idea out of his head. 

He went into the kitchen trying to fill his empty stomach but settled on having some coffee knowing Andrew made enough for him as well. He grabs a mug, pours a cup, and gets situated in a chair. Trying to let his thoughts relax. The smell of the coffee wrapping him in warmth. He spaces out at the smell. Letting his mind wander to the point he doesn't hear Kevin come into the room. 

“Neil!  _ Neil!” _ Kevin says shaking his arm. Neil wrenches his arms out of Kevin’s grasp. Breathe getting heavy.

_ Don't touch me. Get your hands away from me. Get away from me.  _

He wants to say but the words get stuck and all he can do is stare blankly at Kevin who looks shocked at the sudden and violent movement.

“Watch yourself Day”.Andrew says with a glint in his eyes. He comes up and stands between Kevin and Neil.

“I-I didn’t mean to, He just looked so..lost?”. Kevin says with confusion. “Are you good Neil?” He asks to start. Neil just stares. All he can do is a small nod. Not able to respond. Kevin takes it though and backs up. Neil’s body visibility relaxes. His breath returned to his lungs. Andrew turns peering at Neil with intense interest. 

“ Haven’t heard your annoying rambling today Josten”. He says lifting one eyebrow. 

Neil wants to respond. He should be able to but something stops his voice from making sounds. From being able to form words.

He looks around the room. Eyes landing on a pencil and paper on the desk. 

He points. Andrew sees and goes and picks up the materials and brings them over to him. Placing them on the counter. Neil reaches for the pencil. 

_ I can't today. I can't talk. The words are gone.  _

Neil looks at him not knowing how else to explain what had happened to him. To make Andrew understand. Andrew nods. Looking at him with firm understanding. Neil releases a sigh of relief. 

He could get through today. If he had Andrew he could get through anything. 

Kevin long-forgotten cleared his throat. “ Are you going to be able to focus in practice?” He asks. 

A glare is received from Andrew and he turns away. “Okay.. okay I’ll leave it alone.” and he grabs his food and rushes out of the room. Neil gets up as he notices he has class soon and goes to get his things. 

“ Don’t run today Rabbit”. Andrew says as he makes his way out of the room. Niel turns and taps two fingers to his temple with understanding, with promise. 

How Neil makes it through the day is a miracle. Partly because he only has 2 classes today and spends his spare time in the library and the silence is welcomed. No, it's needed. He thinks he’s had days like this before. The days after his father had carved into his skin and his voice got caught and he hid in all the places he could. Which weren't many. 

The practice was hell. Not because of his teammates though. Matt kept giving him glances as he didn’t respond to his greeting. Which was exhausting and Nicky kept on shooting Andrew's looks that were met back with a black stare. The upperclassmen were oddly quiet though. Well until they weren't. 

“You're too slow Neil” Kevin barked. “Move faster Neil”. He yelled. He wouldn’t stop and any other day he could take but not today. Today he just couldn't do it. He thought Kevin had understood from this morning but guess he didn’t. At every jab he could feel his armor cracking, breaking. Though much to his surprise Kevin was not what put him to the edge. He just had led him there. When practice was finally over and the team was filing in. Neil felt a sigh of relief. 

“Good job today,” Matt said to him as he walked past patting a hand on his back.

Neil didn’t mean to push Matt. He didn’t mean to respond by pushing him far away and creating as much distance as he could from his friend. His breath catching and his head starting to swim. The touch is too much. The hands a little too big, a little too like his father's hands.  _ His father's hands.  _

“Neil?” Matt chokes out. Hurt and concern clouding his face. Trying to reach out to him. Neil backed up not wanting to be touched. 

Andrew was there in a second. “Boyd”. He said in warning. As he stood between them.

“Not today Boyd, not today. Putting a handout and pushing Matt further into the locker room. 

But Neil wasn’t there. He was a million miles away. With his father and his knives. With Lola and the trunk. With his mother and her arms. With his mother and the flames. With his mother and the sand. His breath caught. A pained whimper leaving his lips and Andrew was there. Looking at him. Hand out in question. Neil nodded and Andrew pulled him into him. Not caring that the team could see. Only focusing on Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. Andrew. 

The one person he could lean on at the moment. The one person who’s touch was welcomed. He dug his hands into Andrew's hair. Needing to feel the softness. His breathing settled. The sound of Andrew’s steady breathes bringing him back. He nodded into his chest as he felt himself come back down. Come back to himself. Andrew looked into his eyes, seeming to say. 

_ Are you here with me? _

Was he?

  
  
  



	2. More or Less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew tries to help Neil. A little bit of Neil POV but mostly Andrew.

The one person he could lean on at the moment. The one person who’s touch was welcomed. He dug his hands into Andrew's hair. Needing to feel the softness. His breathing settled. The sound of Andrew’s steady breathes bringing him back. He nodded into his chest as he felt himself come back down. Come back to himself. Andrew looked into his eyes, seeming to say. 

Are you here with me?

Was he?

\---

They stayed there, in the locker room. Until Neil was ready to move. When finally Andrew stood, Neil was so tired, he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to stop. His body could barely hold himself up. Andrew eyed him.

“ You have to shower Rabbit”. He said softly. Letting Neil know that he would help him if needed. That he could lean on him. Though Neil didn’t want eyes on his body today. Even Andrew’s eyes. He felt so exposed already. It was a bit too much. He forced himself to get up. To be okay. Forcing down the pain he was so obviously feeling. He nods looking at Andrew. Letting him know he could do it alone. Though Andrew had to shower too. Thankfully there were stalls. Thankfully it was only Andrew. 

They shower in silence, Neil not wanting to talk, well not being able to talk and Andrew knowing and not minding. The silence was a hug, it was a blessing. He reached out and grabbed his towel, drying himself, and quickly changing without looking at his scars. He couldn’t look at them now. It was too much. Why is everything so much right now? He just gets out of the shower trying to pull his thoughts back to the ground. He sits in the locker room waiting for Andrew. Who comes close to him and looks at his eyes. Neil wonders what's going on inside his head…

\---

His Rabbit was scared, quiet, and scared and Andrew didn’t know how to deal.  _ Doesn’t  _ know how to deal. Of course, he wants to help Neil, but how? He would have to talk to Bee for now though. He just wanted to get Neil back to the dorm. Back to safety and he could watch him and make sure he doesn’t run. 

“Let’s go”. He said picking up his back and then going to reach for Neil’s duffel too.

“Wait”. Neil whispers and Andrew freezes. Hearing Neil’s voice for the first time all day and was determined not to miss a word. 

“C-can I hold your h-hand”? He says words catching and breathing raggedly. God, he was so stupid. Forcing himself to talk even when it was so hard for him. Still respecting Andrew’s boundaries even now. 

“Yes,” Andrew said, taking Neil’s hand in his. He felt how shaky he was, how unsteady and gripped Neils had tighter showing him that he wasn’t alone. That this touch was welcomed and so is he and he leads them to the car.

When they get to the dorms, Neil already looks so worn out. Andrew feels his concern come out. Nobody will bother him tonight. He was going to make sure of it. Neil obviously could not handle all that right now. He takes both their duffles as Neil makes his way inside. Walking slow, as if wondering if this was the right place. They get to the room and Neil falls onto the sofa. Breathe slow and loud as if he was forcing himself to stay calm, to stay here. Andrew goes to him then, sits next to him leaving some distance but there nonetheless. Neil is still shaking. He is still trying to come back or? Stay Back? Andrew wasn’t sure. He didn’t like not knowing. Neil always talked to him, this was new. He was going to have to do the talking. 

“It’s bad today Rabbit,” he said, softly trying to see if Neil could handle this simple statement. Not really a question. 

Neil nodded. He puts his hand out in question. Andrew takes it in response.

“Do you need space?” He asked. Neil shakes his head no. 

“More or less touch, or is this enough”. He asks. Knowing he was willing to give more to the Rabbit if he needed it. Neil clutched his hand and nodded. Saying this was enough. This was just right. They sat there for a while. Just breathing. Just being. 

He had to eat though. Neil would just let himself starve if he wasn’t forced to. He taps Neil’s temple and gets up. “You have to eat Josten”. He states as he walks into the small kitchen space and settles on making Spaghetti because it's simple. He makes a mental list.

  1. Get Neil to bed.
  2. Make sure everyone knows to back off. 
  3. Call Bee



That was enough to calm him down. He had a plan. He could handle Neil. Neil was his after all. 

He makes the food, bringing it back to Neil in a bowl. Of course, he had fallen asleep though. 

“Neil,” Andrew said not too loud but knowing it would wake him up. Neil’s eyes shot up but his breathing stayed easy. Andrew was thankful for that. He placed the bowl and fork on Neil’s lap. 

“Eat”. He said sitting next to him with his food in hand. Neil took the bowl. Staring at the food. Then looking down at Andrew’s feet. Taking one foot and moving it closer to Andrews. Oh. Andrew pushes their feet together. A small touch connecting them. Neil relaxes and he eats. 

They finish their food and Neil trails to bed, tucking his body into the sheets as Andrew takes off his armbands and settles into his own bed. Tonight is not a night for close touches and kisses. They both know this. Neil is too tired and not enough of himself and Andrew isn’t up for it. But breathing the same air is enough. Being in each other's presence is enough. 

When morning comes Neil is gone. Not gone though. A text on his phone says. 

_ Run.  _

So no words again. This was okay. He had time to call Bee. First, he would drink coffee though, and smoke. God, he needed to smoke. So he does, filling the cup with coffee and smoking out the window in his dorm. Feeling himself settled. Then he calls Bee.

“He can't talk right now Bee”. He says with a sigh not knowing what other words to use.“Well..he can but barely.” 

“And what kinds of things does that make you feel Andrew?” She asks calmly. 

“I-I don't know, I want to fix it I-'' He struggled with the correct words. “ I want to help”. He says finally finding the right words. 

“Do you know what might have triggered this silence”? Bee asked. Her voice brought him steadiness. He breathed.

“Yes, He had a nightmare, a particularly bad one the other day.” He choked out, feeling like this was a private thing. 

“Hmm..Selective Mutism”. Bee said 

“What,” Andrew said needing more information.

“Selective Mutism is a complex childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child's inability to speak and communicate effectively in select social settings, These children are able to speak and communicate in settings where they are comfortable, secure, and relaxed.” She said as if this just made sense. 

“ But he isn’t a child,” Andrew said with confusion in his voice. 

“ No but it probably began in his childhood and now it's something that happens when his anxiety is too overwhelming. It's how he protects himself. It's a coping mechanism.”’

Andrew breathed. Okay, this was something he could manage. At least he thinks he could.

“ H-how do I help?” He asked. Wanting to be there for his Rabbit. 

“Well, this probably won't be the first or last time this happens. I would suggest you both learn ASL so even when he is able to talk again, you guys are able to communicate always.” Bee says. 

_ Always.  _

“Okay.” He says firmly. Knowing he could do that. That he was able to do this for Neil. 

He heard the door open. Neil was back. 

“Gotta go Bee”. He said, 

“Alright Take care of yourself too.” She said with a motherly tone.

Andrew hung up. He was the least of his concern at the moment. But he knew to keep that in mind. To not push himself too far. Cause Neil might not have the energy to bring him back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit short but I'll update again soon. Kudos and comments are appreciated.


	3. Yes or No?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil falls apart, trying to act like he's fine. Cause he's always fine.Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just wanted to write how sometimes saying Abram doesn't always bring Neil back down. Also yes I'm updating quickly I have nothing else to do but this is probably it for today.

When Neil entered the room and saw Andrew it was like all the tension in his body left it was like coming home. He looked at Andrew and tapped two fingers to his temple, showing that he was ok. Then he went to go shower. He may have run a bit too much, the push and pull over his body forcing him to go faster, faster, faster. He had no restraint when I came two running. It was the only thing besides Andrew that made him feel like he could breathe. But instead of running away this time, he ran to. To the solace of this boy gave him that no one else could. Letting the water wash over him and let his thoughts run wild.

Later when he was dressed and he and Andrew sat in the living room drinking tea and watching some shitty show he realized felt at peace that this was what true safety felt like. 

“Andrew,” he said, somehow finding the words.

“Yes,” he said, turning with a bored expression but his tapping fingers said otherwise.

“I need…”. He falters trying to find the right words. “ You hate me.” He says looking into his Hazel eyes. 

“Every part of you,” Andrew says tilting his head in response. Neil sighs, letting the stress go from the days before. 

“How much am I at now”. He said knowing what he was asking, they both did. 

“1000% Rabbit” and held out his hand for Neil. He took it. Letting himself be brought back down to earth. To Andrew. 

Later when the sun had set and the night was upon them Andrew turned to Neil. 

“I think we should learn ASL”. Looking at Neil waiting to see his response.

This was Andrew saying he cared. Of course, he cared. But this was different. This is him trying to piece Neil back together. He was giving him a lifeline, saying that if this happens again there would be no problems when the words got stuck in his throat and you would not shut him out but find another way to talk to him.

“Okay”. He said nodding and that was that. 

A couple of weeks went by and Neil thought everything was fine. He felt good. He was talking again. Not like before but he was talking. The nightmares had receded as he was ever-present but quiet thoughts in his mind. He thought he had gotten ahold of this thing. Whatever it was. He had everything under control. He didn’t need to go to a therapist. He didn’t need to talk to Bee. Even though Andrew had suggested it numerous times he didn’t wanna think of it. 

They spent their nights after practice looking over ASL books. Watching videos and learning hand signs. After a month they were practically fluent. Neil‘s fluency and Andrew's eidetic memory definitely helped. But it was just a precaution, there would be no need to use it. It was nice though, it was always nice to learn new things with Andrew. 

\--------

And then it was winter, the cold bitter air reminding Neil of something dark in forboding. He spent his nights trying and hoping to sleep and waking up with dark circles and not being able to get any rest. He could feel the nightmares resurfacing. He knew he needed to talk to someone but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. 

He couldn't outrun his nightmares forever though. On one particularly hard practice. On a stressful day, it all came crashing forward. Neil was trying to sleep. He was laying in bed, he was closing his eyes. Yet sleep wouldn’t come. The whispers in his head repeated over and over and over again

Run. Run. Run.

Over and over and over again until it felt like the only word his brain could think.

“Stop thinking Rabbit”. Andrew said into the dark. He could hear Neil’s breaths as they were fast and unsteady.

“C-can I-”. He tried wanting to touch Andrew. Needing to feel him close.

Andrew got out of bed and came over to Neil. 

“Yes” he whispered and Neil’s hands reached out digging into the blond's hair and pulling him down into him. 

Andrew let him and pulled Neil close letting him burrow himself into his body. Bringing Neil back down. As he finally closed his eyes. 

  
  


_ “You are so stupid, Abram. you’re going to get us caught. You’re going to get found. Is that what you want? Over some stupid girl. Over some stupid feelings?” His mother said  _

_ He wanted to say that he hadn’t felt anything for the girl. That it wasn’t even his idea. That he kissed her and it felt all wrong. That he hadn’t known any better. But he should have.  _

_ His mother dug fingers into his hair and pulled. Reminding him what would happen if they got caught. Reminding him of the pain his father brings and now in the pain, his mother brings.  _

_ “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He begged for her to stop pulling in yelling and hitting him. To stop reminding him of the pain his father would bring in and now that she brings. Just wanting to escape he wanted to leave all of this. It was too much, it was all too much. She covered his mouth. _

_ “Stop talking, stop talking. That’s what got us into this in the first place.” She said into his ear. _

Neil lurched out of bed. Panting and gasping for air that he could not find. Scaring the room for where he was, not in a crappy hotel room with his mother and his mistakes and the girl that he mistakenly talked to. And the nightmare that was crowding his vision so he could not think of anything else but the blood in the pain and his father and the knives and his mother and the burning in the sand.

And then he felt a hand. A strong firm hand gripping the back of his neck.

“Shhh, Abram.” But it didn’t help that the name only brought him further. Deeper into the nightmare. He whimpered. Not being able to control it. 

“Rabbit look at me”. Andrew snapped in front of him drawing Neil to his face. “Look at me. You are safe. You are Neil Josten. You are safe, you are mine”. Andrew said with urgency Something about what broke the boy. The tears came short and small and Andrew’s eyes widened. Cause Neil Josten doesn’t cry. But he couldn’t stop now. His boy shook and he reached for Andrew stopping close to his shoulders. Then with shaky hands and a tear-stained face, he signed. 

_ Hug? Yes or No? _

“Yes,” Andrew said as he pulled Neil in. Letting him wrap his arms around his neck and breathing in his scent. Falling into Andrew. Clinging on for dear life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated.


	4. With him there was something..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is an Asshole.

The morning after a nightmare like that is always hard for Neil. He struggled with being a person. He felt worn out and drained. Not really being able to think as he stared up at the ceiling wishing he didn’t have to exist. Andrew had left some time ago. Not really saying where he had to go but Neil knew he planned on coming back.

_ “Get up, shower, and eat Rabbit” He had said before he left that morning. _

Two hours had passed and he was still in bed. He forced himself up. Body aching everywhere. Letting his feet hang off the edge of his bed.

“Stay, Stay, Stay”. He whispered to himself. Forcing himself not to run. Not to leave. He sighed and rose and got some clothes to wear. Kevin must have left as well because the dorm was extremely quiet. He picked up Andrew’s Black hoodie and some jeans and went to get some food. The only thing Neil really felt like he could eat was fruit so he piled some on a plate and paired it with a protein shake. Forcing himself to ignore the way his stomach did not want to eat anything. Thankfully he didn’t have any classes today so he didn’t really have any obligations besides practice. He decided to go on a run. Maybe he was running to not think but he also couldn’t be stuck in the dorm all day that would be too much to handle. Running somewhere was better than trying to run away. 

The cold winter air of a December morning hit Neil like a punch. The cold always reminded him of his mother. He also figured he probably should have worn more layers but he ran anyway. 

_ In. Out. In. Out.  _

And he let himself get lost in the air. 

\--

Neil knew he had overdone it. He had run himself ragged to the point where walking hurt. But he didn’t care. The pain was welcome. The pain was something else. Something else to sink into besides the darkness in his mind that liked to swallow him whole. He walked slowly back to the dorm, taking one step at a time. Trying not to wince when he entered the room. Maybe nobody would notice. He had 4 hours till practice, he would be fine by then. 

He walked into the dorm, Andrew was sitting at the desk doing homework and Kevin was watching old games and taking notes. They both turned to look at Neil as he answered. Well, Kevin just glanced and went back to his game. Andrew looked through, he saw right through Neil. 

“Don’t look so good Rabbit”. He said looking Neil up and down with a bored expression.

“I-I’m fine”. He said then wincing at his habit of saying that knowing that would only aggravate Andrew. He walked into the room trying his best not to cause too much attention to himself as he made his way to the bathroom.

“Sure you are Junkie”. Andrew said something flashing across his face too quickly for Neil to catch and he turned back to his book. Neil sighed and made his way to get washed up. 

\--

On the way to practice, Neil was not feeling so good. Surprisingly not because of the run though his legs were a little sore. No, his throat seemed to have jumped back into his stomach. It wasn’t that he couldn’t speak, it was just hard. It was like he had to force the words out. It was just so much easier not speaking at all. But he forced out the choked hello to Matt and pushed his boundaries with a hug from dan who ruffled his hair and said “ Hang in there kid.” He just nodded. Forcing himself to present as fine and relaxed even though all his muscles were tense. 

“I’m just saying he’s acting like a freak”. Aaron said under his breath to Nicky as they got ready. 

_ In. Out. In. Out. _

Neil reminded himself as he tried to stay calm. He looked up trying to find Andrews's calm eyes but he wasn't there. Neil remembered him going into Wymack’s office a bit ago and sighed. He just had to get through practice today. He didn’t know what was wrong with Aaron today but he wasn’t going to deal with it today. 

“What is he now? A mute?”. He heard Aaron say with obvious annoyance. 

Neil gritted his teeth. The anger bubbling up. 

_ In. Out. In. Out. _

He tried to shake it off and decided to just go out to the court early. Grabbing his helmet and leaving the locker room not being able to deal right now. He just wanted to stay calm. And he tried to, going through the drills but when Aaron pushed him he just broke. Andrews saw it first the flame that lit in Neil’s eyes.

“ What the  _ fuck _ is your problem Aaron?” he gritted out turning to Aaron. 

“ My problems that my Brothers Mute freak of a boyfriend is fucking with his head and I don't like it”. Aaron yells at him. 

Andrew is quick to close the distance deciding if he should intervene. Knowing that he would have to choose. 

“ Just 'cause you can’t understand us cause you have your own fucked up issues doesn't mean you can make your assumptions about us assholes, go off and worry about getting yourself together instead of judging us.”. Neil yelled back, his breath getting heavy. Eyes starting to blur. Andrew takes a step towards Neil. 

“Breathe Abram”. He says steadily, with obvious fury in his eyes.

“See he can’t even stand up for yourself without falling apart”. Aaron scoffed. 

Andrew was quick and deliberate, knives out and pressed up against Aarons's neck.

“Listen here you are going shut the fuck up and stop talking about things you have no right speaking on or else”. Andrew said a fire in his eyes. 

Wymack had appeared now coming fast to break up the argument. 

“ Or what?” Aaron said obviously not thinking Andrew would really hurt him.

‘Andrew kicked his legs out from under him making Aaron fall but not enough to do any real damage.

“ Do not make me choose” he hissed out, “ cause you will not win”. Pushing Aaron away from him and turning to walk over to Neil.

Neil hadn’t moved from his position, still breathing just as heavy. His mind going so fast.

Andrew had hit Aaron, well he had threatened him. He said he would choose Neil over Aaron at least that's what Neil took from it. He was too much, this was all too much. All of this mess was because of him. 

_ In. Out. In. Out. _

Then there was Andrew's hand on his neck, telling him to breathe and everything else faded away. Nothing else mattered. With him, he could deal with all of this with everything. With him, all of this was worth it. 

With him there was something. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated, any requests of things to see in future chapters are welcome as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the chapter! Please comment and if there's anything you wanna see just let me know.


End file.
